try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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