literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize