Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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