feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
