so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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