And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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