Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my shit smells like andre
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
