Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
