i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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