I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
