You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize