I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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