Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
