I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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