im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
