32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
