I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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