Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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