You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize