i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
farters have to be the big spoon...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
