Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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