When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
