I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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