so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
