part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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