OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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