can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize