I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
