Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
