her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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