Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
