Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
