I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
