you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
