dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she peed on how many people?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
