dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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