well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm too high and old for this...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
