He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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