im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Operation Purity has been aborted
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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