Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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