I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize