Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
