Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
