You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
