ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Duck Duck Cougar?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
