Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
