Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
