We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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