okay pat passed out under dana's car
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
