He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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