i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I AM VODKA MAN
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize