I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
