I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
