I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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