Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
