note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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