I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
