he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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