I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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