where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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