did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
