my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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