are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
