I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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