You made me cry and you don't even care
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
