You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
