he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
