he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
