Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
