Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
