So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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