even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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