oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Come share oat with me in your robe
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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