It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
