The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
