my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
