You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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