i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Say something about gay babies.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
