you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
