i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You know, be my cock's hype man.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
