he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
