The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
