so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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