Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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