So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
why do cheetos always look like penises
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
