remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
