You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
