does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
