I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
