This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
