i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
