I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
