This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
