There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize