The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
