Swine flu. Run for my life!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
