Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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