Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm really busy with my period
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