I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he thought i was a dude.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
