What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
