if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
