I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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