someone get that fucking seahorse.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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