haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
