Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize