Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I haven't been this sober since birth.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
