I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
