Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
wow bdsm is so cute
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
