i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
